So there’s a lot of this going on right now: Will the Blazers be the 16th best team in the league? Or the 14th? Even more important, will they make the 8th seed in the Western Conference? Oh snap, maybe even the 7th?? If they make it to the 7th seed will it appease Lamarcus Aldridge so he won’t want to leave as a free agent in 2015?
Let’s just spoil this and give a one word preview of what this Portland Trail Blazer season will be like: whimsical. Why? Because it’s the Blazers. And if I can’t have a sense of humor about being a scorned fan of a tortured franchise then go fuck yourself. Win, lose or draw, I’m catering to every magical whimsy my heart desires.
See, here’s the thing. Over the summer my wife and I had our first child, a baby girl. There were baby showers and gifts. One gift was a bib that reads “I’m so glad that I was born a Blazers Fan”. My initial reaction was to compliment the gift-giver on her deft use of sarcasm. Infant sarcasm is the cutest kind of sarcasm. Weeks later, CJ McCollum – the Blazers prized first round pick – broke his foot in practice. The following internal monologue ensued:
“Was it catastrophic?”
“But is it catastrophic right now?”
“Does he still have his charm?”
“You bet your bottom dollar he does.”
“Well if all else fails, that’s good. He still has his charm.”
My point in telling that story is to say that my priorities have shifted in life, and now I don’t care to focus too much on the future. I’m not the same young buck that would eat up every article previewing my beloved Blazers. It’s just sports, man. And no matter how much I love it I don’t want to focus on the theoretical. I want to focus on the here and now.
What the Blazers have now is this:
The reigning rookie of the year.
A two-time All Star.
A Frenchman with “upside”.
A broken footed rookie with three-point-shotability.
A seven-foot lottery pick from last season who spent the offseason working on his 3 point shot and just got demoted to third string behind a guy that openly bragged about molding his game after Nick Collison.
A team that is chirping about battling for a playoff spot…which would be evidence of improvement…which might maybe convince their two-time All Star to sign an extension when his contract is up…because it’s every All Star’s dream to sign his last big contract with a middling team.
It all makes sense.
Gavin and Brian went to Buffalo Wild Wings for beers and wings aplenty. A podcast was created thereafter, but lost in space due to a nameless blog administrator suffering a 5 day hangover as a result of the aforementioned trip to Buffalo Wild Wings. No…NO idea what took place on this podcast. Just that the Pacers/Heat and Grizzlies/Spurs series were just about to start. Pretty sure basketball was discussed.
The benefit of getting shithammered at B-Dubs prior to recording a podcast that won’t get posted online for 3 weeks? The topics are far reaching, broad, and not time sensitive at all.
If you care to take a listen, click here.
Guys. The Golden State Warriors have been bounced from the playoffs by those big-bullies/sexy-basketball-geniuses in San Antonio. I’m not like a W’s fan or anything, but I thoroughly enjoy watching them play, my pals love them, and I feel like they deserve some respect after a super neat season in which they did some super neat things that we didn’t expect them to do.
So. How to honor them:
Let’s look at Joe Lacob’s faces. Joe Lacob has so many cool faces.
Joe Lacob’s Fussy Middle School Principal Face
Silently rationalizing with an angry mob can be accomplished with a smug look, you know. Joe Lacob didn’t go full “fussy principal” in this one though, because he didn’t say something like “Excuse me, somebody is talking here. Fine. Keep booing. I can wait here all day.” In the end though he really didn’t need to. Those eyes say all that needs to be said.
Joe Lacob’s Networking Face
Is Joe Lacob at a press conference right now? Or is he at a networking mixer and completely uncomfortable but trying to project a smooth and confident aura? Doesn’t matter. Those two things are kinda the same when it comes to Joe Lacob, being a public figure and all. It should be noted, this is the perfect networking face. Engaged, forced eye contact, strained smile, painfully awkward. Behind every networking face is an undertone that says, “We all look like jackasses. Let’s just cut the crap and either go our separate ways and/or get shithoused.”
Joe Lacob’s “We’re Contenders Now” Face
On last week’s podcast, Endo said that Joe Lacob doesn’t deserve any apologies for that whole booing fiasco from last year that resulted in Joe Lacob’s fussy principal face. Fair enough. But make no mistake, Joe Lacob earned this face.
It’s a good face and all but it’s not the best We’re Contenders Now face in the history of the Warriors organization. I’d still go with this guy:
Joe Lacob’s “We’re Winning This Game and I Never Want To Get Laid Again” Face
Jokes, jokes, guys. This is the “We’re Winning This Game and I’m DEFINITELY Getting Laid Tonight” Face.
Here’s to you Joe Lacob. I’ve picked on you via a shitty blog, but for reals, you may actually have a method to your madness. Don’t change and keep pimpin. We’ll see ya next season.
Hey. Weird. Live podcast up in dis bitch, bozos.
After Brian and Gavin go to a local bar and watch Game 3 of the Spurs/Warriors, they discuss nothing but Warriors basketball. Good. Bad. Ugly. Kinda Shitfaced. Fun (?). Eh. It’s kinda funny.
Look. I know we haven’t done a podcast in like forever but shut up about it OK? I shouldn’t be saying this but for reals, this podcast is basically the equivalent of going to your local Buffalo Wild Wings 10 minutes before closing time and listening to two bozos drunkenly yap about God-knows-what. But that’s a fun activity, so why not make that a podcast? This was recorded 3 nights ago, and since then the Warriors have moved on to the 2nd round, and I’m just posting this pod now, because I’m basically the best blog administrator ever.
Follow the below link to listen to the gang talk about Warriors basketball, David Kahn’s demise (and inevitable rise in a white hot new career), Jason Collins getting the Ballin’ with Bozos stamp of approval, and more.
Wassup ya big nerds. On this episode of Ballin’ with Bozos, the boyz talk about Mark Jackson being old school, Terry Stotts running the Portland Trail Blazers starters into the ground, Lamarcus Aldridge proving the difference between “good” jump shooter and “capable” jump shooter, the possible vindication of Pau Gasol, discussing the confusing/enraging mind of Royce White, planning the next live show (and what subjects will make Gavin cry), and more.
WASSUP MY WANKSTAS. This is getting posted a day late (technical issues) but that’s just how I do.
On this episode of Ballin’ with Bozos, the boyz talk about why Jamal Crawford isn’t well received in Portland, the remainder of the Celtics season, John Hollinger versus Jeff Green and Bill Simmons, Nicolas Batum becoming the best player on the Blazers, JJ Hickson planking, the return of Andrew Bogut, Stacey King: best commentator EVER, and more.