Fourth Quarter Meltdown

Eternally Optimistic.

The Portland Trail Blazers: A 2013-2014 Non-Prediction

Your valiant blogger took more than a week off from Chunk's Revenge, and acted like a fatcat, to boot.  Will he make it up to you?  Doubtful.  But have hope.  Note: boozing while reading may increase chances of feeling redeemed.


So there’s a lot of this going on right now: Will the Blazers be the 16th best team in the league?  Or the 14th?  Even more important, will they make the 8th seed in the Western Conference?  Oh snap, maybe even the 7th??  If they make it to the 7th seed will it appease Lamarcus Aldridge so he won’t want to leave as a free agent in 2015?

Let’s just spoil this and give a one word preview of what this Portland Trail Blazer season will be like: whimsical.  Why?  Because it’s the Blazers.  And if I can’t have a sense of humor about being a scorned fan of a tortured franchise then go fuck yourself.  Win, lose or draw, I’m catering to every magical whimsy my heart desires.

See, here’s the thing.  Over the summer my wife and I had our first child, a baby girl.  There were baby showers and gifts.  One gift was a bib that reads “I’m so glad that I was born a Blazers Fan”.  My initial reaction was to compliment the gift-giver on her deft use of sarcasm.  Infant sarcasm is the cutest kind of sarcasm.  Weeks later, CJ McCollum – the Blazers prized first round pick – broke his foot in practice.  The following internal monologue ensued:

“Was it catastrophic?”


“But is it catastrophic right now?”


“Does he still have his charm?”

“You bet your bottom dollar he does.”

“Well if all else fails, that’s good.  He still has his charm.”

My point in telling that story is to say that my priorities have shifted in life, and now I don’t care to focus too much on the future.  I’m not the same young buck that would eat up every article previewing my beloved Blazers.  It’s just sports, man.  And no matter how much I love it I don’t want to focus on the theoretical.  I want to focus on the here and now.

What the Blazers have now is this:

The reigning rookie of the year.

A two-time All Star.

A Frenchman with “upside”.

A broken footed rookie with three-point-shotability.

A seven-foot lottery pick from last season who spent the offseason working on his 3 point shot and just got demoted to third string behind a guy that openly bragged about molding his game after Nick Collison.

A team that is chirping about battling for a playoff spot…which would be evidence of improvement…which might maybe convince their two-time All Star to sign an extension when his contract is up…because it’s every All Star’s dream to sign his last big contract with a middling team.

It all makes sense.


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