Fourth Quarter Meltdown

Eternally Optimistic.

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

PODCAST – Ballin with Bozos: Episode 8

jj hustle

WASSUP MY WANKSTAS. This is getting posted a day late (technical issues) but that’s just how I do.

On this episode of Ballin’ with Bozos, the boyz talk about why Jamal Crawford isn’t well received in Portland, the remainder of the Celtics season, John Hollinger versus Jeff Green and Bill Simmons, Nicolas Batum becoming the best player on the Blazers, JJ Hickson planking, the return of Andrew Bogut, Stacey King: best commentator EVER, and more.





For those of you who are not IN THE KNOW, Golden State Warriors owner Joe Lacob is a knucklehead. He likes to go batshit crazy during close games and his vice is that he likes to be the center of attention. Like when Chris Mullin was having his jersey retired and he gave a nice speech (considering it was a night honoring him), then Lacob had the PA announcer say “We’ve saved the best for last” so Lacob could get up and say a few words – a pretty pompous move that didn’t piss anyone off at all.

But it’s not all bad. Read between the lines and you see Lacob for what he is: a big fat party animal that paid an arm and a leg for an NBA basketball team. So what…he wants to have a great time and be like Pitbull in a Bud Light commercial. His dream is for Oracle Arena to turn into a giant dance party and he’d be Pitbull fist pumping and watching everyone have fun while everyone in shouting distance would be like “Hey Joe! Great job! You’re the man!” And he’d just do a cool guy Pitbull head bob like it ain’t no thang.

Anyhoo. I say all of this because when you get a chance to catch Joe Lacob on TV, it’s a whole lot of fun to remember these facts. Like last night when the W’s beat the Thunder. I caught the end of the game, and right after Carl Landry put the W’s up 3 with just over two minutes remaining I saw a goober sitting courtside doing very peppy things. Sure enough, it was Joe Lacob. So I rewound the game, and checked what he did.

joe lacob courtside cheermaster

This picture does not do his peppiness justice. He leapt from his seat and flailed his arms like Steve Ballmer at a Microsoft pep rally. In his mind: GET UP! GET UP! Because you know, he’s the leader. People should see his intensity and match that intensity.

lacob cheering 2

This is when he realizes nobody is standing up, but he has already committed to standing and cheering. So he claps. Like a coach. Everything is cool, gang.

lacob 3

Adjusting his pants. He wasn’t trying to get everyone to join in a cool guy cheer, OK? He’s standing because he’s the boss and he does what he wants.

lacob 4

Scoping the scene. Like a smooth operator.

lacob 5

Foul on W’s. Crowd silences. Lacob sits down. Nothing to see here.

One day, there is GOING to be party. And mark my words: Joe Lacob will be front and center.

Podcast – Ballin’ with Bozos: Episode 7


On this episode of “Ballin’ with Bozos” Gavin compliments himself on his song choices, Brian gets jittery about the Warriors remaining schedule, the boyz discuss why Mark Jackson never lifted weights, Gavin gets superpumped about the celebrity death match that is the starting lineup of the Eastern Conference All Stars, Rajon Rondo being a dickhead and kinda awesome at the same time, Billy Hunter being a con-man, and more.

Fun fact: Gavin ends the episode talking about the Blazers for 4 minutes then immediately compliments himself for not talking about the Blazers during the episode.

J.J. Hickson (aka “J.J. Hustle”) An Overrated Rebounder? Trick Please.

jj hustle

For awhile there I thought I could just completely neglect this blog, never write anything again, and just do Skype podcasts because talking is just so much easier than writing.  I didn’t think that…not really.  But kind of.  Really, it’s that I’ve been busy polluting my mind with grown ass man thoughts like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?” and “YOU’RE GOING BALD YOU SHOULD JUST QUIT BEING A PUSSY, SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND ROCK THAT SHIT LIKE AN UGLIER VERSION OF A  ‘BIG-BONED’ JASON STATHAM.”  My birthday and the holidays do this to me.

But now that things are all settled down I refocused my attention on things that really grind my gears.  Take for example, this headline: “Neil Paine (of Basketball-Reference): Blazers F/C J.J. Hickson Tops List of ‘Overrated Rebounders’”.

I’m fairly certain that I’m on record as saying that hell will freeze over on the day that I defend J.J. Hickson.  Well then.  Those terrible motherfuckers burning away in eternal damnation better grab their mittens, because this shit’s about to go down.

Let me just get this out of the way: I like advanced stats.  Advanced stats helped usher us out of what I like to call the Ricky Davis era.  There’s a reason John Hollinger just got hired as the VP of Basketball Operations for the Memphis Grizzlies and there’s a reason Daryl Morey is one of the most respected GM’s in the league.  Advanced stats are good by me.

Pictured: This is Endo using his computer to talk about stats because stats are great and he loves stats.

Pictured: This is a live shot of Brian, aka Endo (the other half of the Ballin’ with Bozos crew), using his computer to talk about stats because stats are great and he loves stats.

But let’s look at what Paine had to say about Hickson:

Superficially speaking, Hickson appears to be one of the league’s best rebounders, averaging 10.8 boards per game (sixth-best in the NBA) with a 21.7 rebounding percentage (fourth-best). However, there’s plenty of evidence that many of those rebounds have simply been stolen from his teammates, not opponents. ..Despite Hickson’s gaudy individual stats, the Blazers have a negative net rebound rate with him in the lineup, and they actually rebound at a better rate when he’s not on the floor.

I think my head is going to explode.  Cool.

Herein lies my beef with this analysis.  We are completely overcomplicating an easily identifiable trait.  The guy can rebound.  That’s it.  It’s not like saying the guy can shoot (because he can take bad shots) or the guy can pass (because he can make bad decisions).  When a guy’s rebounding, he’s not gonna wait for somebody else to grab it.  He just freaking rebounds.  There’s no greater science to it – unless he’s literally bowling over teammates to grab rebounds to pad his stats, and if that were the case it would be plain to see for everyone watching.

Now, I know what the counterargument would be to my rant here.  It would be “Nobody ever said he’s a bad rebounder.”  True.  But the entire purpose of that column was to rile things up by identifying a cool thing, tainting it one way or another, then acting like it’s all good.  It’s like how I passive-aggressivley sneeze in people’s beers at bars.  Dude it was an ACCIDENT.  No HARM no FOUL.

I already know what J.J. Hickson is: an energy guy that will chase rebounds and do some fun things and he’s probably best served coming off the bench.  He’s playing out of his mind this year and somebody is gonna overpay him because it’s the NBA and that’s just what happens.  Truth is, I don’t expect J.J. to be on the Blazers next year, and therefore I’m not attached to him as a Blazer at all.

Why am I so mad about this, then?

Because this is the kind of shit that makes Reggie Miller believe he has some sort of credibility.  When the old dogs start saying stuff like “you know it when you see it” and try to discredit advanced stats-guru while signing a Qyntel Woods type for $20,000,000 they’ll point to things like this.  And that drives me NUTS.

Hi.  I'm David Kahn.  Gavin is talking about bad personnel moves, so I have no idea why he's inserting my picture here.  He can be very wacky that way.

Hi. I’m David Kahn. Gavin is talking about bad personnel moves, so I have no idea why he’s inserting my picture here. He can be very wacky that way.

That said, Neil Paine and I can still be friends.  He’s doing his damned job.  ESPN likes these kinda headlines and Paine has got to GET HIS, if you will.  He and the rest of the advanced stats dudes can run circles around me in regards to PER and all that stuff.  Keep up the good work.

(Important Note: See what I did there at the end?  I sneezed in his beer, so to speak.)

Podcast – Ballin’ with Bozos: Episode 6


Happy New Year my wankstas!  Discussed on this epiosde of Ballin’ with Bozos: Brian’s mea culpa to David Lee, Lamarcus Aldridge’s torrid love affair with 16-23 foot jumpers, The Maloof’s getting dirtier than Rachel Phelps, Latrell Sprewell’s afternoon party gone awry, the bed Deron Williams made, Gavin’s botched New Years Resolution, the debut of our very first segment “SHOULDA DISSED YA”, & more.

Questions/suggestions/comments/e-hugs welcomed.  Hit us up in the comments or at

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