Fourth Quarter Meltdown

Eternally Optimistic.

Archive for the month “November, 2012”

Podcast – Ballin’ with Bozos: Episode 3

Brian and Gavin regroup after the Thanksgiving holiday to yap about Andrew Bogut’s microfracture surgery, the upside of the Blazers losing to the lowly Washington Wizards, Brian goes back to the future and plays Warriors GM for the past 3 years, Gavin sips haterade and bashes on Oklahoma City’s home crowd for no good reason, Joey Crawford actin a foo’, & more.


Jason Loves Brandon: A Thanksgiving Article

Hold the phone bozos…

After a bold proclamation that I wouldn’t talk about BRoy for a few days, my boy Jason Quick just did a sentimental piece about “Brandon” (first name basis with Brandon always and forever, obvi) taking an in-depth look into his mindset during his comeback. Couple of things:

1. Is it weird that a Portland beat reporter was the first to get the scoop about BRoy’s latest knee surgery and the in-depth interview about his comeback rather than, ya know, a Minnesota beat reporter?

2. Considering the nature of Quick’s article (and the timing of it…releasing it on Thanksgiving), it kinda feels like Mr. Roy is very close to calling it quits and is trying to reach out to Blazer fans before doing so. If you wanna reach out to Blazer fans, there’s no better way than going through JQuick and being a super nice guy. JQuick eats up super nice guys.

3. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll break my promise and chat BRoy things on the next “Ballin’ with Bozos” podcast. That shit will drop after Thanksgiving. Endo and I are making a vow to schedule more time for shitfaced discussion of all things basketball. He hasn’t agreed to the “shitfaced” part, but I figure you’re really half-assing a podcast if you aren’t legally drunk, at least.

Happy Thanksgiving pals. Catch ya on the flipside.

Royce White, Twitter, and Not Talking About Brandon Roy

I told my attorney I was not talking about you today Brandon. So just get the effing heck outta my face with that legendary face and stupid blue jersey and heartbreaking news.

Over the weekend my attorney pointed out that on the last episode of the “Ballin’ with Bozos” podcast, I seemed a bit obsessed/upset with Brandon Roy’s attempted comeback with the Minnesota Timberwolves.  I proved him wrong and acted the part of a totally mellow smooth operator by saying, “Nah, no big deal,” while biting my tongue and holding back the same ol’ diatribe I’ve unleashed on about 1,000 people.  It was then that I vowed NOT to mention Brandon Roy on the next episode of Ballin’ with Bozos (recording tonight or tomorrow). 

Then news broke that he’s having another knee surgery, just a few games into the season.

But I’m staying true to my vow even on my first post of the week.  It’s just something I have to prove, okay?  I’ll post or drunkenly podcast about BRoy at a later date.

So what to do today…how’s about we talk about Royce White!

A recap of this guy’s story is rehashed on several sites that don’t share a name with a Goonie’s character, and they’re written by grownups that take their reporting jobs seriously rather than a mildly employed blogger that spent his afternoon watching the original Red Dawn in preparation for the Thanksgiving release of version 2012. 

You: “Hey, what are you up to this afternoon?”
Me: “Oh you know. Takin’ care of business.”

So I’ll spare you the background.  Plus, my opinion on the matter means dick because I don’t know the guy and I’m not exactly qualified to pontificate on anxiety disorders.

The problem right now is that Royce is in a big ol’ tiff with Houston management, and for right now it’s looking like it won’t end well.  But because he’s not speaking to anyone publicly (he’s just blasting off on the Twitters) the media is all “WTF?” and guessing what to write next and sometimes they can’t think of anything to write at all.  So then they do stuff like post a “story” entitled “Nasty Tweets Royce White is Receiving“.

It’s the new craze taking the interwebs by storm.  If there’s nothing to report that hasn’t been reported already, just log on to Twitter, search for key words/names and screen grab a bunch of nonsense from bozos that are taking their frustrations to their smart phones and actin like tough guys from the safe haven of a bathroom stall.  Tweeting tough guy things to athletes/celebrities behind a computer screen is annoying – something only a fat pathetic loser would do after drinking too many mudslides and looking himself in the mirror and wondering “where in the hell am I going in life?” and then taking to Twitter to unleash some pent up insecurities (disguised as fury in the form of the wrath of a thousand suns).

Wait…correction: tweeting angrily at people is for wheelers and dealers & cool guys who ooze with opportunity and success.  Extra cool points for doing it in ALL CAPS.

As for Royce, I’m rootin’ for the guy.  As a casual observer I’m not gonna demonize him, but I’m not doing that to the Rockets management either.  On Twitter, Royce is basically painting these guys as dictators…but for some perspective, he should look back to draft day and remember what he felt when he was slipping out of the first round.  If he can’t remember, no biggie.  I gotcha pal.

Magic Johnson Tweets Reaction to Mike D’Antoni Hiring & Shows How to Act Like a Grown Ass Man

Hey weird. Magic Johnson is talking out of both sides of his mouth.

OMG guys.  Magic Johnson isn’t happy.  The good news though, when Magic isn’t happy, he always takes the high road.  Check his tweets from yesterday:

Tweet #1: The reason I haven’t tweeted in 2 days is because I’ve been mourning Phil Jackson not being hired as the Lakers head coach.

Tweet #2: My mother always taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Well thank goodness for that.  That would’ve been poor form to let his emotions get the best of him so he’d say something that could be construed as offensive or judgmental.  Tweeting out a belated response to the hiring of Mike D’Antoni – likening the emotion he felt at that moment to bereavement – is totes the higher road.

But we mustn’t always rely on flawless, measured tweets to keep a level head, amigos.  What happens if you’re put on the spot?  What then??  How in the dickens can one expect to keep it real while still taking the high road?  That’s easy.  Check how Magic – the master of spin and good guy vibes – schooled the media, right after Mike Brown was fired:

(Response to question from Sam Amick of USA Today regarding his alleged role in getting Mike Brown fired):

“It’s so stupid.  They’re so misinformed.  I have never talked to Dr. Buss about firing Mike Brown.  I’ve seen Dr. Buss one time.  I visited with Dr. Buss three months ago.  I had a great visit with him.  We were just reminiscing.  That (claim about Brown) was coming from Mike Brown’s camp, that they thought I played a role in this.  But let me tell you something about Dr. Buss.  First of all, I didn’t do it.  Second of all, if I had a role in it, I’d tell the world.  I don’t have no problem telling people (laughs).  That’s easy.  If I went to tell (Dr. Buss) that, ‘Hey Mike Brown should be out,’ and they fired him, and then somebody said, ‘Well Magic had a hand in it,’ I’d say ‘Yeah, I had a hand in it.’ (laughs).  Have I been telling him from Day One that this guy wasn’t the right guy?  Yes, I’ve said that.  I said that on the air last year.  I’ve always backed up what I say.  But have I went to Dr. Buss ever and said ‘fire this guy’?  Never.  Have I talked to Dr. Buss about Mike Brown ever?  No.”

Well that settles that.  Magic never said to fire Mike Brown because he’s only seen Dr. Buss one time and the only reason this is being suggested is because Mike Brown is making up lies about Magic, but Magic has been telling Dr. Buss since Day One that he was the wrong coach for the Lakers, but never specifically told him to fire Mike Brown, because he’s never actually talked to Dr. Buss about Mike Brown ever.

Cool?  Cool.

Contradictions? Double-speak? Nonsense. How can you not trust that smile.

Now, these reactions may seem like an indictment on Mike D’Antoni and Mike Brown, but they’re not, okay?  Those two are just collateral damage to Magic’s digs at Jimbo Buss’ decision making.  And if we’re talking objectively and for realsies, it’s hard to argue that Phil Jackson might have been a pretty good coach for the Lakers.

And actually, who wouldn’t be okay with Magic being somewhat judgmental of Jimbo Buss’ decision making?  There has only been one recorded instance in which Dr. Jerry Buss and his son Jimbo had a conversation, and it wasn’t the most flattering for the younger Buss.

Podcast – Ballin’ with Bozos: Episode 2

Ahoy bozos!

On this episode of Ballin’ with Bozos, Brian and Gavin talk about Allen Iverson rapping, sitting Derrick Rose for the year, the slapfight between the Minnesota Timberwolves and Portland Trail Blazers management teams, the maddening nature of watching the Portland Trail Blazers’ bench, Jeremy Lin’s inevitable first All Star appearance, reminiscing about the career of the great Latrell Sprewell, David Lee being the “2 best rebounders” on the Warriors, Brandon Roy’s legacy, and Gavin drops approximately 30 F-Bombs like a big fucking jerk.

The Resiliency of Timberwolves Basketball, Best Buy (The Coolest Place to Be), & Proper Usage of the Word Chump

“I must break you.”
– Nikola Pekovic, who claimed the line as his own after beating the bajeezus out of Ivan Drago with his bare hands.

I like to use the word “chump” a lot.  As in, “what are you chumps doin’ tonight?” or “how is that master plan working out for that chump David Kahn in Minnesota?”

Inexplicably, that pompous Alby Grant of the North has put together an exciting team.  Is this Rick Adelman’s doing?  Is David Kahn actually a misunderstood genius?  I have my biases, but that’s neither here nor there.  Here and now they have an exciting team, even as the squad is becoming riddled with injuries.

Check Zach Harper’s take on bench contributions, specifically from former no-name turned contributor, Malcolm Lee:

He’s quick and reactive.  You create space and he takes it away.  His length and reach are like cat burglars coming to take your inherited fortunes.  He’s not Avery Bradley or Tony Allen.  He’s just your run of the mill pest, bothering the hell out of you like a kid who asks his mom 20 times in a row if she’ll take him to Best Buy.

This means one of two things:

1). Either I’m showing my age (young enough to not have children, old enough to not understand the pure awesomeness and youthful intrigue of Best Buy), or…
2). This is the most “Minnesota” simile ever.

There was once I time when I thought of Minnesota youth as a bunch of scrappy ragamuffins with a great sense of humor that took to the streets and worked on hockey moves like the legendary triple deke and called each other things like “cake eater”.  Never again.

The Mighty Ducks: “Can we go to Best Buy?”
Gordon Bombay: “No.”
The Mighty Ducks: “Can we go to Best Buy?”
Gordon Bombay: “No.”
The Mighty Ducks: “Can we go to Best Buy?”
And so on.

But back to basketball.  These guys are playing very good ball (as excellently described by Mr. Harper), all without their best player (KLove) their starting PG (Ricky Rozay Rubio) and countless other injured rotation players.

After all of this happy TWolf chatter, I keep coming back to one thing.  I’m curious to see where this leaves Brandon Roy in the rotation.

But no, no, no kiddies.  I’m not diving head first into that rabbit hole.  Talking about one of my favorite Blazers of all time making a foolish/headstrong comeback when he has no cartilage in his knees while potentially smearing his legacy in Portland and torching bridges with the Blazers management all so he can have a single digit PER for a team that is in a legal battle with the Blazers?  That’s not blogging material.  That’s podcasting material.

KISS THE RING: Phil Jackson’s Subtle Request Goes Awry

As a fan of an inherently dysfunctional franchise, watching a “power team” such as the Lakers sink to this batshit crazy level is a hater’s jubilation.  Part of me wants to grab a microphone, direct my attention towards these wacked out wannabe socialites that call themselves Laker fans, and do rap battle-ish things ala Shaq asking Kobe this question over and over and over again.  But then I remembered that I’m still a Blazer fan and that the Lakers still have a superteam and no matter how dysfunctional they seem, they still are the odds on favorite to reach the NBA Finals.  So rap battle-ish things will have to wait for another time. 

But wading through all this brouhaha from the weekend we know three things:

1). Coaching option #1 was Phil Jackson, and he was “asking for the moon” in order to come back to coach.
2). The Lakers quickly reversed course and hired Mike D’Antoni.
3). Phil Jackson was stunned by the news.

The minute Phil Jackson’s name came up as a replacement for poor ol’ Mike Brown, this was all about one thing: Phil Jackson – that enlightened prick  – in his smug brilliance was going to make Jimmy Buss  kiss his pinky ring.  It was just a matter of to what extent Phil would do this.  Apparently he pushed the envelope. 

Given that Jackson is “stunned” by the news of D’Antoni’s hiring, I’m assuming that the Lakers brass didn’t consider making a counteroffer to Jackson’s demands.  That would seem to be standard procedure in these types of negotiations but I can’t exactly blame Jimbo Buss for having a short fuse.  I like to think that those two have a similar relationship to John Cusack and Tim Robbins in High Fidelity

If I’m halfway correct in this assessment, imagine Jimmy Buss’ reaction when he met with Phil and his list of demands had one undertone: “Kiss the ring, Jimmy”.  As my father-in-law pointed out as well, Phil is “boinking” Jimmy’s sister.  That probably didn’t help soothe any egos with the undertone.

Anyhoo, the hiring of Mike D’Antoni…it should be very intriguing.  7 Seconds or less basketball like we’ve never seen it before: with the oldest starting lineup in the league, an aging point guard who’s out for 4 weeks with a broken leg, and no bench.  I say this smugly which basically means the Lakers will prove me wrong, win out the rest of the season on a 75-0 streak and Lakers fans will be asking me this over and over and over again.

Mea Culpa Friday’s: SacTown’s Batman Falls Down

Considering the Batman parallel to this post, I was gonna use something more Batman-y, but then I found this pic of Thomas Robinson and said to myself “screw that noise, I’m using this pic from”

Whaddup boom diddly’s.

As hard as I try not to make predictions and bold declarations, sometimes I just can’t help myself.  Like the time I declared that Ben Tate would lead Arian Foster in every relevant rushing category, or that my fair Blazers would lose on opening night to the Lakers, or when I had this to say about Thomas Robinson getting drafted by the Sacramento Kings:

Sacramento just picked the best story of the draft: Thomas Robinson.  As my buddy Mike pointed out – how’s he gonna react to playing with bozos like Tyreke Evans and Demarcus Cousins? 

King’s management may have just screwed themselves.  If there’s one man’s man superhero (in the guise of a common man) out there that will force the Maloofs to keep the Kings in Sacramento…it’s Thomas Robinson.  He’s the closest thing to Batman I’ve seen since I looked in the mirror and lied to myself.

Then, my fair Batman of SacTown threw an elbow and in the process beat Jonas Jerebko like a Betty Crocker cake mix.

Woof.  This is why I don’t gamble.  I would be embarrassed but I don’t care to make the emotional effort to feel anything about my dumb/inadvertent predictions, because I’m an unqualified ranter of the internets, who’s broke as fuck but gets by in life with a steady flow of high fives, charcoal filtered vodka, and Andrew W.K. music.

Even still, don’t you worry homies.  I’ll take a shot of Fireball for each reckless futuristic prediction of all things SPORTS.  But back to Thomas Robinson.  Is this a huge deal?  Naaaa.  Shit gets real in the post game, and sometimes you just gotta throw a big burly elbow so a guy stops sashaying behind you while softly grasping your hips (looking at you Jonas).  Just avoid the elbow to the neck next time…mmmkay Thomas?

Anyhoo, TRob, you’re still Batman.  Even Batman falls down.  He just gets back up.  That’s like the entire premise of Batman Begins.

It should be noted, that my recklessness in praising TRob had some collateral damage by inadvertently throwing a certain Kings player – my favorite Kings player – under the bus.  Apologies.  It will never happen again.  Always remember kiddies: Boogie is, and always will be, #1.

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